The Midas Plague

  The Midas Plague

  by Frederik Pohl

  And so they were married.

  The bride and groom made a beautiful couple, she in her twenty-yard frill of immaculate white, he in his formal gray ruffled blouse and pleated pantaloons.

  It was a small wedding—the best he could afford. For guests, they had only the immediate family and a few close friends. And when the minister had performed the ceremony, Morey Fry kissed his bride and they drove off to the reception. There were twenty-eight limousines in all (though it is true that twenty of them contained only the caterer’s robots) and three flower cars.

  “Bless you both,” said old man Elon sentimentally. “You’ve got a fine girl in our Cherry, Morey.” He blew his nose on a ragged square of cambric.

  The old folks behaved very well, Morey thought. At the reception, surrounded by the enormous stacks of wedding gifts, they drank the champagne and ate a great many of the tiny, delicious canapes. They listened politely to the fifteen-piece orchestra, and Cherry’s mother even danced one dance with Morey for sentiment’s sake, though it was clear that dancing was far from the usual pattern of her life. They tried as hard as they could to blend into the gathering, but all the same, the two elderly figures in severely simple and probably rented garments were dismayingly conspicuous in the quarter-acre of tapestries and tinkling fountains that was the main ballroom of Morey’s country home.

  When it was time for the guests to go home and let the newlyweds begin their life together Cherry’s father shook Morey by the hand and Cherry’s mother kissed him. But as they drove away in their tiny runabout their faces were full of foreboding.

  It was nothing against Morey as a person, of course. But poor people should not marry wealth.

  Morey and Cherry loved each other, certainly. That helped. They told each other so, a dozen times an hour, all of the long hours they were together, for all of the first months of their marriage. Morey even took time off to go shopping with his bride, which endeared him to her enormously. They drove their shopping carts through the immense vaulted corridors of the supermarket, Morey checking off the items on the shopping list as Cherry picked out the goods. It was fun.

  For a while.

  Their first fight started in the supermarket, between Breakfast Foods and Floor Furnishings, just where the new Precious Stones department was being opened.

  Morey called off from the list, “Diamond lavaliere, costume rings, earbobs.”

  Cherry said rebelliously, “Morey, I have a lavaliere. Please, dear!”

  Morey folded back the pages of the list uncertainly. The lavaliere was on there, all right, and no alternative selection was shown.

  “How about a bracelet?” he coaxed. “Look, they have some nice ruby ones there. See how beautifully they go with your hair, darling!” He beckoned a robot clerk, who bustled up and handed Cherry the bracelet tray. “Lovely,” Morey exclaimed as Cherry slipped the largest of the lot on her wrist.

  “And I don’t have to have a lavaliere?” Cherry asked.

  “Of course not.” He peeked at the tag. “Same number of ration points exactly!” Since Cherry looked only dubious, not convinced, he said briskly, “And now we’d better be getting along to the shoe department. I’ve got to pick up some dancing pumps.”

  Cherry made no objection, neither then nor throughout the rest of their shopping tour. At the end, while they were sitting in the supermarket’s ground-floor lounge waiting for the robot accountants to tote up their bill and the robot cashiers to stamp their ration books, Morey remembered to have the shipping department save out the bracelet.

  “I don’t want that sent with the other stuff, darling,” he explained. “I want you to wear it right now. Honestly, I don’t think I ever saw anything looking so right for you.”

  Cherry looked flustered and pleased. Morey was delighted with himself; it wasn’t everybody who knew how to handle these little domestic problems just right!

  He stayed self-satisfied all the way home, while Henry, their companion-robot, regaled them with funny stories of the factory in which it had been built and trained. Cherry wasn’t used to Henry by a long shot, but it was hard not to like the robot. Jokes and funny stories when you needed amusement, sympathy when you were depressed, a never-failing supply of news and information on any subject you cared to name—Henry was easy enough to take. Cherry even made a special point of asking Henry to keep them company through dinner, and she laughed as thoroughly as Morey himself at its droll anecdotes.

  But later, in the conservatory, when Henry had considerately left them alone, the laughter dried up.

  Morey didn’t notice. He was very conscientiously making the rounds: turning on the tri-D, selecting their after-dinner liqueurs, scanning the evening newspapers.

  Cherry cleared her throat self-consciously, and Morey stopped what he was doing. “Dear,” she said tentatively, “I’m feeling kind of restless tonight. Could we—I mean do you think we could just sort of stay home and—well, relax?”

  Morey looked at her with a touch of concern. She lay back wearily, eyes half closed. “Are you feeling all right?” he asked.

  “Perfectly. I just don’t want to go out tonight, dear. I don’t feel up to it.”

  He sat down and automatically lit a cigarette. “I see,” he said. The tri-D was beginning a comedy show; he got up to turn it oflf, snapping on the tape-player. Muted strings filled the room.

  “We had reservations at the club tonight,” he reminded her.

  Cherry shifted uncomfortably. “I know.”

  “And we have the opera tickets that I turned last week’s in for. I hate to nag, darling, but we haven’t used any of our opera tickets.”

  “We can see them right here on the tri-D,” she said in a small voice.

  “That has nothing to do with it, sweetheart. I—I didn’t want to tell you about it, but Wainwright, down at the office, said something to me yesterday. He told me he would be at the circus last night and as much as said he’d be looking to see if we were there, too. Well, we weren’t there. Heaven knows what I’ll tell him next week.”

  He waited for Cherry to answer, but she was silent.

  He went on reasonably, “So if you could see your way clear to going out tonight—”

  He stopped, slack-jawed. Cherry was crying, silently and in quantity.

  “Darling!” he said inarticulately.

  He hurried to her, but she fended him off. He stood helpless over her, watching her cry.

  “Dear, what’s the matter?” he asked.

  She turned her head away.

  Morey rocked back on his heels. It wasn’t exactly the first time he’d seen Cherry cry—there had been that poignant scene when they Gave Each Other Up, realizing that their backgrounds were too far apart for happiness, before the realization that they had to have each other, no matter what… But it was the first time her tears had made him feel guilty.

  And he did feel guilty. He stood there staring at her.

  Then he turned his back on her and walked over to the bar. He ignored the ready liqueurs and poured two stiff highballs, brought them back to her. He set one down beside her, took a long drink from the other.

  In quite a different tone, he said, “Dear, what’s the matter?”

  No answer.

  “Come on. What is it?”

  She looked up at him and rubbed at her eyes. Almost sullenly, she said, “Sorry.”

  “I know you’re sorry. Look, we love each other. Let’s talk this thing out.”

  She picked up her drink and held it for a moment, before setting it down untasted. “What’s the use, Morey?”

  “Please. Let’s try.”

  She shrugged.

  He went on remorselessly, “You aren’t h
appy, are you? And it’s because of—well, all this.” His gesture took in the richly furnished conservatory, the thick-piled carpet, the host of machines and contrivances for their comfort and entertainment that waited for their touch. By implication it took in twenty-six rooms, five cars, nine robots. Morey said, with an effort, “It isn’t what you’re used to, is it?”

  “I can’t help it,” Cherry said. “Morey, you know I’ve tried. But back home—”

  “Dammit,” he flared, “this is your home. You don’t live with your father any more in that five-room cottage; you don’t spend your evenings hoeing the garden or playing cards for matchsticks. You live here, with me, your husband! You knew what you were getting into. We talked all this out long before we were married—”

  The words stopped, because words were useless. Cherry was crying again, but not silently.

  Through her tears, she wailed: “Darling, I’ve tried. You don’t know how I’ve tried! I’ve worn all those silly clothes and I’ve played all those silly games and I’ve gone out with you as much as I possibly could and—I’ve eaten all that terrible food until I’m actually getting fa-fa-ter! I thought I could stand it. But I just can’t go on like this; I’m not used to it. I—I love you, Morey, but I’m going crazy, living like this. I can’t help it, Morey—I’m tired of being poor!”

  Eventually the tears dried up, and the quarrel healed, and the lovers kissed and made up. But Morey lay awake that night, listening to his wife’s gentle breathing from the suite next to his own, staring into the darkness as tragically as any pauper before him had ever done.

  Blessed are the poor, for they shall inherit the Earth.

  Blessed Morey, heir to more worldly goods than he could possibly consume.

  Morey Fry, steeped in grinding poverty, had never gone hungry a day in his life, never lacked for anything his heart could desire in the way of food, or clothing, or a place to sleep. In Morey’s world, no one lacked for these things; no one could.

  Malthus was right—for a civilization without machines, automatic factories, hydroponics and food synthesis, nuclear breeder plants, ocean-mining for metals and minerals…

  And a vastly increasing supply of labor…

  And architecture that rose high in the air and dug deep in the ground and floated far out on the water on piers and pontoons… architecture that could be poured one day and lived in the next…

  And robots.

  Above all, robots… robots to burrow and haul and smelt and fabricate, to build and farm and weave and sew.

  What the land lacked in wealth, the sea was made to yield and the laboratory invented the rest… and the factories became a pipeline of plenty, churning out enough to feed and clothe and house a dozen worlds.

  Limitless discovery, infinite power in the atom, tireless labor of humanity and robots, mechanization that drove jungle and swamp and ice off the Earth, and put up office buildings and manufacturing centers and rocket ports in their place…

  The pipeline of production spewed out riches that no king in the time of Malthus could have known.

  But a pipeline has two ends. The invention and power and labor pouring in at one end must somehow be drained out at the other…

  Lucky Morey, blessed economic-consuming unit, drowning in the pipeline’s flood, striving manfully to eat and drink and wear and wear out his share of the ceaseless tide of wealth.

  Morey felt far from blessed, for the blessings of the poor are always best appreciated from afar.

  Quotas worried his sleep until he awoke at eight o’clock the next morning, red-eyed and haggard, but inwardly resolved. He had reached a decision. He was starting a new life.

  There was trouble in the morning mail. Under the letterhead of the National Ration Board, it said:

  “We regret to advise you that the following items returned by you in connection with your August quotas as used and no longer serviceable have been inspected and found insufficiently worn.” The list followed—a long one, Morey saw to his sick disappointment. “Credit is hereby disallowed for these and you are therefore given an additional consuming quota for the current month in the amount of 435 points, at least 350 points of which must be in the textile and home-furnishing categories.”

  Morey dashed the letter to the floor. The valet picked it up emo-tionlessly, creased it and set it on his desk.

  It wasn’t fair! All right, maybe the bathing trunks and beach umbrellas hadn’t been really used very much—though how the devil, he asked himself bitterly, did you go about using up swimming gear when you didn’t have time for such leisurely pursuits as swimming? But certainly the hiking slacks were used! He’d worn them for three whole days and part of a fourth; what did they expect him to do, go around in rags?

  Morey looked belligerently at the coffee and toast that the valet-robot had brought in with the mail, and then steeled his resolve. Unfair or not, he had to play the game according to the rules. It was for Cherry, more than for himself, and the way to begin a new way of life was to begin it.

  Morey was going to consume for two.

  He told the valet-robot, “Take that stuff back. I want cream and sugar with the coffee—lots of cream and sugar. And besides the toast, scrambled eggs, fried potatoes, orange juice—no, make it half a grapefruit. And orange juice, come to think of it.”

  “Right away, sir,” said the valet. “You won’t be having breakfast at nine then, will you, sir?”

  “I certainly will,” said Morey virtuously. “Double portions!” As the robot was closing the door, he called after it, “Butter and marmalade with the toast!”

  He went to the bath; he had a full schedule and no time to waste. In the shower, he carefully sprayed himself with lather three times. When he had rinsed the soap off, he went through the whole assortment of taps in order: three lotions, plain talcum, scented talcum and thirty seconds of ultra-violet. Then he lathered and rinsed again, and dried himself with a towel instead of using the hot-air drying jet. Most of the miscellaneous scents went down the drain with the rinse water, but if the Ration Board accused him of waste, he could claim he was experimenting. The effect, as a matter of fact, wasn’t bad at all.

  He stepped out, full of exuberance. Cherry was awake, staring in dismay at the tray the valet had brought. “Good morning, dear,” she said faintly. “Ugh.”

  Morey kissed her and patted her hand. “Well!” he said, looking at the tray with a big, hollow smile. “Food!”

  “Isn’t that a lot for just the two of us?”

  “Two of us?” repeated Morey masterfully. “Nonsense, my dear, I’m going to eat it all by myself!”

  “Oh, Morey!” gasped Cherry, and the adoring look she gave him was enough to pay for a dozen such meals.

  Which, he thought as he finished his morning exercises with the sparring-robot and sat down to his real breakfast, it just about had to be, day in and day out, for a long, long time.

  Still, Morey had made up his mind. As he worked his way through the kippered herring, tea and crumpets, he ran over his plans with Henry. He swallowed a mouthful and said, “I want you to line up some appointments for me right away. Three hours a week in an exercise gym—pick one with lots of reducing equipment, Henry. I think I’m going to need it. And fittings for some new clothes—I’ve had these for weeks. And, let’s see, doctor, dentist—say, Henry, don’t I have a psychiatrist’s date coming up?”

  “Indeed you do, sir!” it said warmly. “This morning, in fact. I’ve already instructed the chauffeur and notified your office.”

  “Fine! Well, get started on the other things, Henry.”

  “Yes, sir,” said Henry, and assumed the curious absent look of a robot talking on its TBR circuits—the “Talk Between Robots” radio-as it arranged the appointments for its master.

  Morey finished his breakfast in silence, pleased with his own virtue, at peace with the world. It wasn’t so hard to be a proper, industrious consumer if you worked at it, he reflected. It was only the malcontents, the ne’er-do-we
lls and the incompetents who simply could not adjust to the world around them. Well, he thought with distant pity, someone had to suffer; you couldn’t break eggs without making an omelet. And his proper duty was not to be some sort of wild-eyed crank, challenging the social order and beating his breast about injustice, but to take care of his wife and his home.

  It was too bad he couldn’t really get right down to work on consuming today. But this was his one day a week to hold a job—four of the other six days were devoted to solid consuming—and, besides, he had a group therapy session scheduled as well. His analysis, Morey told himself, would certainly take a sharp turn for the better, now that he had faced up to his problems.

  Morey was immersed in a glow of self-righteousness as he kissed Cherry good-by (she had finally got up, all in a confusion of delight at the new regime) and walked out the door to his car. He hardly noticed the little man in enormous floppy hat and garishly ruffled trousers who was standing almost hidden in the shrubs.

  “Hey, Mac.” The man’s voice was almost a whisper.

  “Huh? Oh-what is it?”

  The man looked around furtively. “Listen, friend,” he said rapidly, “you look like an intelligent man who could use a little help. Times are tough; you help me, I’ll help you. Want to make a deal on ration stamps? Six for one. One of yours for six of mine, the best deal you’ll get anywhere in town. Naturally, my stamps aren’t exactly the real McCoy, but they’ll pass, friend, they’ll pass—”

  Morey blinked at him. “No!” he said violently, and pushed the man aside. Now it’s racketeers, he thought bitterly. Slums and endless sordid preoccupation with rations weren’t enough to inflict on Cherry; now the neighborhood was becoming a hangout for people on the shady side of the law. It was not, of course, the first time he had ever been approached by a counterfeit ration-stamp hoodlum, but never at his own front door!

  Morey thought briefly, as he climbed into his car, of calling the police. But certainly the man would be gone before they could get there; and, after all, he had handled it pretty well as it was.

  Of course, it would be nice to get six stamps for one.